Today is the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic – the ship they thought was unsinkable. But the unimaginable did happen, and two thirds of those on board died when the mighty liner hit a blue iceberg which was almost invisible in the deep midnight darkness. One of the survivors was a relation of sorts, so today is quite poignant for me.

Much has been written about what happened and possible reasons why, and I really have nothing to add. However, I admit to a strange fascination at the scale and pathos of the disaster. The story of the Titanic had been told and retold many times and it has become part of our collective history – an odd mixture of glamour and tragedy; of mismanagement and sheer bad luck; of shattered hopes and dreams, and tales of heroic self-sacrifice.

Lessons have been learnt from the tragedy and changes have been made to improve standards of ship design and construction; and regulations and safety procedures for sea voyages are far more robust, but still not completely infallible.

When we launch our own personal ship of dreams, it is a good idea to make sure that we plan carefully and have robust processes and procedures in place. Having a clear idea of where we want to go, what we want to accomplish, and the best (and safest) way to get there make it far more likely that we will achieve our desired goals. If we do happen to hit a hidden iceberg along the way it helps to have enough lifeboats. The best one of these is resilience. A strong belief in our dreams and in our own ability to get up again if we are knocked down is one of the most vital strengths to develop to keep us afloat.

• What lessons have been most helpful when planning to achieve your own dreams and goals?
• Do you feel prepared to face any unforseen obstacles along the way?
• Can you think of any other useful lifeboats to carry on your personal ship of dreams?

It’s bulb planting time and I’ve been happily sorting through those I saved from last year and sourcing some new ones. This year I decided to get a bit more information on bulb growing and care, to make the most of what I have. Armed with a good quality plant food, clean pots and potting mix, I anticipate an abundance of beautiful flowers throughout the spring months.

This is the first time I have attempted to save my own bulbs and I was excited to see how they had fared. When I opened the bag of tulip bulbs I had lifted after last year’s growth had finished, I was thrilled to see that the 5 bulbs from last year had yielded over 30 usable ‘pups’ to plant for the coming spring.

Then it was on to the huge pile of grape hyacinths I had harvested from a pot that had become overcrowded. I was looking forward to an extravagance of plants to provide splashes of brilliant blue around the garden. I had scooped them out of the tired old soil, cleaned them off a bit and put them in an empty pot in a cupboard and pretty much forgotten about them. But when I removed the pot, brimming with happy thoughts of a pleasant afternoon of planting, I was greeted with a sad soggy smelly mess of rotting vegetation!

I hadn’t really followed the correct method of drying out the bulbs before I stored them in a dry paper bag and now I was paying the price of trying to shortcut that process. I was disappointed and a bit let down and felt I really could have done better.

Sometimes when we set ourselves goals, we omit to think through the necessary steps that it will take to achieve those goals. It is easy to try to jump straight from wanting something; to expecting it to happen with minimal effort, but that rarely works well for us. It’s far better to take the time work out a robust process and follow it through step by step to a successful conclusion.

What are the biggest lessons you have learnt about how to achieve your goals?

At times it seems like it doesn’t take much to knock back our self confidence and leave us feeling that we aren’t as good as everyone else. By the same token, it can be just a very small achievement that begins to turn things around for us and lets us see that we really are worthwhile and capable of many more things than we previously gave ourselves credit for.

We carry a picture of ourselves and our capacity to act effectively   around in our head and we can easily tell ourselves that we can’t do something, when the truth is actually the exact opposite. For many years I convinced myself that I couldn’t remember my car’s number plate. It’s only a couple of letters and numbers after all, but try as I might I just couldn’t bring the right combination readily to mind when I needed to. Such a simple thing, and I just couldn’t get the hang of it. To compensate for this embarrassing ‘failing’ I wrote the information on a piece of paper and carried it in a little wallet along with my driver’s licence.

Then I got a car with a number plate that sounded like a rhyme. All of a sudden it stuck in my brain and I didn’t need my crumpled little memory-jogger any more. So when that car was sold and I was faced with a new number plate to familiarise myself with, I had a choice about how I could react. I could tell myself that memorising it was beyond my ability or I could remind myself that I had successfully done it once and that increased my chances of being able to do it again.

Choosing the second course, I looked at the letters and numbers, read them aloud to myself a couple of times, tested myself a few days later, and I had it. It was so easy; I couldn’t believe that I had so effortlessly accomplished something that had eluded me for decades! It’s marvellous what a difference a little self-belief made. A small victory - but one with potential.

• What small accomplishements have helped to build your confidence?
• How can you use positive messages about yourself to motivate you to have a go at something new?

A pamphlet arrived in the mail today – Will You Cope When Disaster Strikes? – a very timely reminder to update our emergency kit, especially given that the anniversary of the destructive Christchurch earthquake is in a few days. Another thing that struck me was the effectiveness of the title. By using the word ‘when’, the impact of the message was far stronger and my reaction was more immediate than it would have been had the less definite ‘if’ been used.

On thinking about it, I realised that one word gave a sense of importance and authority to what was said. It’s difficult to argue with something that is stated so strongly and with such conviction. There is also an impression of urgency, demanding a response. It is much harder to do nothing when faced with the statement that something definitely will happen and it’s just the timing that is unknown, rather than being told that something vague might happen at some distant stage. Had the writers used the word ‘if’, it would have been simpler to ignore it. I decided that ‘if’ could easily stand for ‘insufficient focus’ – leading to lack of motivation, scattered effort and poor outcomes.

So how can I use this insight into the power of a single word in my own life? I can think of one strategy straight away. When considering something that I want to do that involves an obstacle, I have a choice of how I might frame it in my mind. I could say ‘I really want to accomplish xxx BUT yyy’. When I use the word ‘but’, I immediately run up against a brick wall. All I can see is the thing that blocks me getting to where I want to be. I focus on the barriers standing in my way and I’m quite likely to give up. However, if I say ‘I really want to accomplish xxx AND yyy’, I’m more likely to acknowledge and accept that problems do exist and then ‘act now decisively’ to make effective plans and take the steps necessary to overcome the difficulties.

* What words motivate you to act decisively?
* How can you reframe your thoughts to increase your motivation?
* Have you noticed any other strategies that work for you?

You can find more information on the benefits of using powerful words in my eBook Positive Words are Powerful