Basically, the foundation of our self-esteem is laid down in childhood. It is a mixture of our experiences, our successes and failures, our treatment by other people (especially those in authority or significant to us), our personality, and our interpretation of all of those things. As we grow we gradually develop an idea of who we are, what we are like, what people in general are like, where we fit in the world and how we view life.

Acceptance, acknowledgement, attention, encouragement, respect, open communication, affection, affirmation, nurturing, support, friendship, unconditional love, approval, praise, reassurance, hugs. . . All of these things help build a feeling that we are loved and lovable. This feeling of being all right sustains us, making us feel safe and secure, and giving us confidence and trust that we will be accepted by others and treated well by them.

But self-esteem isn’t just based on feeling good and only encountering kindness and pleasant experiences in our life. Challenges, trying new things, discovering how to make mistakes and get over it, building coping skills, knowing how to deal with criticism, achieving something worthwhile, helping others, doing our best and being happy with the results. . . All of these things can give us a sense of being capable and able to function successfully in the world

But what about those who have never known these loving and positive experiences; who have suffered abuse, disapproval and tragedy; who can’t believe in themselves no matter how many good things happen in their lives? The good news is we don’t have to stay stuck in feeling bad about ourselves. Our self-esteem and level of self-worth can develop and improve over time. I’ll discuss this in another blog.

Meantime, what are your thoughts on how to build healthy self esteem?

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Just as our lives are made up of a mix of the ordinary and the everyday interspersed with times of great joy or great tragedy, so our everyday life affords us little moments to savour or to endure.

I would like to focus today on the moments which we can savour. These small occasions are easy to overlook in the rush and push to deal with the busyness and the business of each day. But stopping and really experiencing what is all around us all the time allows us to appreciate and enjoy it in ways which give us back a sense of peace, of connection and of enjoyment. Taking time out from the hustle and bustle, instead of working flat-out non-stop, re-energises us and allows us to achieve more in the long run.

A lot of it has to do with attitude. Is a garden just something that makes more work for us? Is it just a place we walk through as we hurry between the house and the car, striving to fit as much as we can into each day and barely registering the grass, the plants, the flowers, the bushes or the trees?

Or is it a place in which to sit and relax with a glass of wine or a cup of coffee at the end of the day and find a sense of calm and renewal?

When we do choose to sit out in our garden do we allow ourselves to truly appreciate the sight and smell of the flowers and the sound of the birds and the insect life, or do we focus on the weeds that need pulling and worry about the grass that needs mowing?

What difference will it make to your day if you choose to stop and enjoy the moments?

Your life purpose involves a combination of your core values, your interests, your passions, your hopes, your dreams, and your beliefs. It gives focus and direction to your life and provides motivation for the choices you make and the actions you take. A sense of Purpose and a sense of Meaning are intertwined and help guide you in the way you live your life.

Full expression and utilisation of your talents and abilities occurs when you are living with a solid sense of who you are and what you want your life to stand for. This provides stability and a sense of being on your right path, particularly when times are tough.

Your purpose helps define the essence of your life and influences where you put your time and your energy, and how you use your resources. It colours your view of the world and your place in it. Definitions of life purpose differ and sometimes people disagree profoundly on what it entails. What is important however, is how YOU define your life purpose.

Is it about finding happiness and fulfilment in your life? Is it about living in a way that is congruent with your deepest beliefs and desires? Is it based around doing what you love? Does it involve making a difference and contributing to the wellbeing of those around you, or changing the world? Is it about living the best life you can?

For some people, their life purpose has been clear from an early age and they do not deviate from it. For others it is a slow awakening as to what is most important for them and how they want to live their lives.

What is it that give your life a sense of purpose? How do you live that out in your daily life?